


Twelve Days of Christmas

by bedb



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Humor, Other, modern take, unhappy swans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 15:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2817344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedb/pseuds/bedb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A modern take on the twelve days Avenger style....sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Cap: Aw Bucky, I think it fits perfectly in the spirit of the season  
Sam: Yeah, I can so see how a pot pie and avocado dip from Wal-mart could be a partridge in a pear tree. 

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Tony: They’re feathered rats!  
Sam: no they’re not! Besides where the hell am I going to find turtle doves right now?  
Tony: Feathered rats.

And a pot pie with an avocado dip from Wal-Mart

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Clint: That’s an awful lot of fried chicken.  
Sam: Don’t eat it then. Bucky and I’ll eat it….

Two feathered rats, and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Steve: calling cards! Thanks Tasha!

Three buckets of chicken, two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Natasha: Gold! How appropriate.  
Pepper: Bullion is always the proper gift.   
Marie Hill: 24 carat of course. 

Four calling cards, three buckets of chicken, two feathered rats, and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me  
Clint: looks like I’m getting in the fois gras business.  
Bucky: Where did everybody find a goose? I couldn’t find a goose.  
Tony: I bet I know (radio report in the background of missing geese from Central Park)

Five gold bullion, four calling cards, three buckets of chicken, two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip. 

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Tony: who the hell gives seven of these monsters to anyone? They live in pairs!  
Bruce: They’ve got Fury trapped in the port o potty. 

Six stolen geese, five gold bullion, four calling cards, three buckets of chicken, two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Steve: Anyone want to explain to me why we are watching really bad porn?  
Clint: Bucky did it.  
Sam: Yeah.   
Tony: Not me this time.  
Steve: When I said take him shopping with you, I did not mean Midnight Wanda’s House of Pain. It’s OK Buck, I’m not mad at you. No, I don’t think Natasha is mad at you either.

Seven demon swans, six stolen geese, five gold bullion, four calling cards, three buckets of chicken (that’s a lot of KFC), two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Natasha: Yes, he really loves the Call of Duty, but I think he misunderstood me when I said you shoot them…..Samsung 72 inches and you might get some wall plaster for the bullet holes.

Eight Maids a’ Milking XXX, seven evil swans, six stolen geese, five gold bullion, four calling cards, three buckets of chicken, two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Bruce: Tony, they’re just creepy.  
Tony: I don’t know, they look kind of cute to me.  
Bruce: marionettes ought to look like Pinocchio not some monsters from hell. 

Nine Calls of Duty, Eight Maids a’Milking XXX, seven evil swans (they’re going after Pepper now!) six stolen geese, five gold bullion, four calling cards, three KFC, two feathered rats and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Pepper: The Nutcracker! Oh Tony how sweet.  
Sam: he got us all nutcrackers?  
Steve: He’s taking Pepper to the ballet. 

Ten Tony danglers, nine calls of duty (can’t we just have sex?), Eight Maids a Milking XXX, Seven evil swans, six stolen geese, five gold bullion, four calling cards, three extra crispy, two feathered rats, and a pot pie with an avocado dip.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:  
Sam: How can you call that noise music?  
Bruce: They are Tibetan throat singers.  
Sam: When is their flight back to Tibet?

Elven nutcrackers, ten Tony danglers, nine Calls of Duty, Eight Maids a Milking XXX (I never noticed that before), Seven evil swans, six stolen geese (that’s the police, I think they want the geese back), four calling cards (anyone notice they’re for calling Mexico?), three sides of green beans, two feathered rats And A pot pie with an avocado dip.

Steve Rogers: Merry Christmas everyone  
Sam: Are we going to have a New Years Party? I bet it’s awesome up here.

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored yesterday and this is what came up. I am so sorry


End file.
